


Whispers in the Dark

by ScarletDestiny



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Cliffhangers if you don't binge read, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character(s), Philosophical complexity, Slow Burn, Suspense, devastating angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-04 11:43:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14019507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletDestiny/pseuds/ScarletDestiny
Summary: "Hope is the most dangerous weapon." Dark and Light: two conflicting ideals locked in eternal combat. Seeds of doubt begin to corrupt Kylo Ren's philosophy after the failed attack on Crait. Desperate to cast aside the lingering effects of Rey's Force connection, he finds himself forced to confront his growing conflict to keep Rey from plunging into the Darkness he knows all too well.





	1. Unbalanced

**Author's Note:**

> Originally (back in December), I started writing this fic simply for my own enjoyment and at the request of a friend. However, it has quickly gained much more favor on other fanfiction sites than I ever anticipated so I thought that I ought to join the AO3 community at long last.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this extension fic of TLJ!
> 
> *I am in no way affiliated with Disney/LucasFilms and do not own any part of Star Wars.  
> *I do own the few OCs that you will see in later chapters.  
> ****

Staring out into the fathomless depths of space caused an eerie sense of calm to wash over Kylo Ren. In the five excruciating days since the mutual failure of both the First Order and what remained of the Resistance on Crait, he had barely had the time to sleep or eat, much less take the time to try and contain the majority of his raging emotions.

Due to the tension hanging over every head in the First Order and the mixture of fearful and skeptical glances he received from those soldiers meant to be underlings who would never dare to question their leader, it was becoming abundantly clear to Kylo that he could no longer afford to lose his temper on a daily basis.

Now, standing alone on the observation deck, he forced himself to peel back the shoddily-constructed mental barriers that he had hoped would keep the most potent of his emotions in check until he could properly address them.

Just days before, he had been flooded with such unbridled fury that he felt it would burn all logic away, leaving only an unquenchable thirst for vengeance. That rage had since diminished into a cooling ember.

Trepidation began gnawing its way into the outermost portions of his mind, where his defenses faltered the most. _Anger is my strongest ally,_ he thought grimly. _Without anger fueling my connection to the dark side, I become vulnerable._

Weakness was never an option.

Momentarily brushing aside the cobwebs of concern, he delved deeper into the layers of conflicting emotions burdening his overtaxed psyche. Disbelief in the events of the past few days threatened to overwhelm him. Had he really gone from murdering his master just to save the girl who ought to have been his nemesis to offering to throw away most of what he had spent the past eight years building to make aforementioned girl pleased, to almost losing himself to a rage he could barely control when confronted with the Force projection of his uncle, all in the span of a couple of hours?

Locked inside his mind where no one else could see, he debated why it was that he felt more disappointed and let down than angry. By all reason, he felt that he ought to be livid that Luke Skywalker had had the audacity to die a somewhat peaceful - if confusing and anti-climatic - death instead of being torn to shreds by Kylo’s lightsaber, as had always been the plan.

Yet, the deeper he delved into his emotions, the more he found that the old rage which once had burned fiercely against his uncle had faded into a numb acceptance. The realization was both startling and comforting. Perhaps now he would be able to focus on destroying the Resistance once and for all.

Except...destroying the Resistance meant eliminating every remaining person in the galaxy who held a shred of hope that he would somehow find his way back from the caverns of darkness in which he freely wandered. Years of training under Snoke, combined with many more years of constantly being told to squelch his conflicting emotions had taken their toll on his consciousness so he could no longer tell - even in his own mind - if his actions could be considered moral.

_Hope is the most dangerous weapon._

For a brief moment, when _that girl_ \- he ardently refused to say her name, even in the safety of his own mind - had wormed her way into his head with her unwavering faith that it was never too late for people to change, he had allowed himself to believe that his destiny could lay somewhere other than at his master’s feet. He had felt no sympathy, no rage, no hesitation when he had activated his grandfather’s lightsaber and cut down his master.

Only now were the implications of his actions beginning to fully dawn on him.

When his connection with the girl had first begun, when it had strengthened into an uneasy alliance, when it had glistened with the promise of being an actual friendship, he had allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to turn aside from his current path and forge a new one. One free of a master’s control, one in which he decided right from wrong, one in which his destiny could be changed.

But then, after offering all of himself, the girl had simply rejected him and turned away. Hadn’t she understood how hard he had fought just to be standing there with her in that moment? She had claimed to see the conflict within him, to understand how it felt to be alone among a sea of people. How could she so easily rip his heart from his chest and crush it?

It was not the pull of the light that had drawn him to her, for he knew better than to walk that path. No, it had been the sureness of her own morality, the resolve in her soft eyes when she promised to help rescue him from the prison he had been thrown in many years prior.

As a child, he sat calmly on the stone floor, staring at the prison cell door with all of the innocent belief that came from wholeheartedly believing that one’s elders knew best.

Growing into adolescence, he found himself testing the limits of his cage, pulling against the metal bars with all the strength he could muster. Doubt creeped deep into his soul and burrowed a hole into his heart. His once unwavering faith began to falter.

By the time he became a young adult, most of the damage had been dealt. Small nicks in his soul weathered and aged him prematurely. Passionate arguments with his parents turned into an estrangement much more severe than the loneliness he had often encountered as a child. His uncle’s once comforting teachings of the Jedi Order and its ways turned his stomach sour and muddled his brain: there were so many discrepancies, so many conflicting modes of thought.

The idea of blindly following what he was told and pushing away all sense of emotion and individual thought made his blood boil. How could so many of his uncle’s students nod their heads in agreement to teachings which not even the members of the old Jedi Order had wholly followed?

And yet, for all the peace and serenity that the Jedi preached, for all their talk of goodness, no one had bothered to try and save _him_. At the first hint of discord, they had all fled - his mother, his father, his friends, and worst of all his uncle. What good was knowledge if questioning it set a person apart?

What good were people if they tried to cut down whatever was different?

It had been so many years since he had considered another way of life that the girl’s odd, seemingly-misplaced trust in him had stirred up those desperate feelings from his childhood of wanting to belong, of wanting someone to see him for him, not for his family’s legacy.

He had been drowning without knowing he was anywhere near water.

Then, like a whirlwind, _she_ had invaded his head and forced him to reconsider everything.

And just like everyone who had come before, she had taken one quick glance at the damage he had wrought, the conflict that constantly battled inside, and had decided nothing could be done to patch him back together.

The irony of the situation forced a low chuckle from his throat. If he was conflicted, what was she? Yes, he had long ago given into the darkness within himself. But he felt that darkness so profoundly in her - such a savior she was turning out to be. It would take little effort to push her spiraling into the void. She had no restraint over her emotions, no idea where those damning emotions could lead if she continued to let them run wild. Soon enough, they would consume her, no matter her “pure” intentions.

With that thought, Kylo Ren uncovered the last key to his emotional hailstorm: guilt. Guilt over the girl’s predicament, guilt that the Jedi Master who should have been willing to teach her had taken one look into her soul and had seen too much of a wayward former student, guilt that he himself was too consumed with his own conflict to give her advice.

Even if he could reach her now, he doubted that she would take kindly to any advice he had to offer.

But there was no one else remaining who could keep her from falling from grace. It was wrong, he knew, it was hypocritical to try and teach her anything about the Force when he had fallen so far from the ways of the Jedi. But seeing the clash of light and dark in her mind awoke a strange sense of protectiveness within him: she could not follow him down into the void; he had never meant to tempt her with that offer to begin with - he had merely wanted to help free her from his uncle’s influence before the Jedi tarnished her soul as well.

He would never return to the light, for it had never accepted him - choosing instead to judge and choke the life from him.

Neither could he allow her to cross the threshold and embrace the dark. With her limited experience with the Force, it would swallow her whole.

_I may be unbalanced,_ he acknowledged, _but I am the only chance she has to survive. And I will do whatever it takes to stop her inevitable descent. I cannot change my course, just as I cannot be saved, but I will not drag her down with me._

A persistent pull on his mind startled him. _Rey._ Squaring his shoulders, determination coursing through his body, he turned slowly.

Confusion filled him as his eyes skipped over an empty room. _Perhaps the bond is too weak to allow for visual contact?_

The pressure in his skull intensified, forcing a gasp from his throat. Struggling through the building pain and the hastily spreading darkness from the corners of his mind, he steadied his gaze on the fuzzy outline of a person emerging into view.

Darkness gripped his mind, scattering all thoughts of his personal redemption in the eyes of the girl he was supposed to hate. A cold dread settled into his bones even as the void in his head overtook his threshold for pain.

Desperately, he reached out for the Force to create a barrier between himself and the image which was quickly becoming clearer, only to have his connection with the darkness swatted away.

Images flickered through his mind with such speed that his mind recoiled in protest. In a vain attempt for control, he fumbled to grab onto an image, only to have it be swept past a second later, pulled along by the unrelenting course of what he assumed were memories. Hundreds of emotions stirred within him, all vying for his immediate attention.

_Weak..._ The darkness whispered, _You are weak._

Fear overtook him then, spreading like a cancer throughout his entire being, chasing out all of the light which contaminated his soul.

He had to know. He had to be sure.

With all his remaining strength, he cracked his eyes open. In any other situation, he would have been enraged to find that he had fallen to his knees. His sweat-slicked hands pressed hard on the cold, metal floor, feebly trying to find a way to anchor his mind. Tears ran down his face, squeezed from his eyes through the intensity of his pain. Darkness flickered over his vision, threatening to crush him.

A red glow as bright and dangerous as the energy expelled from his lightsaber enveloped the man standing before him, glowering down from above.

“Master,” he croaked in disbelief.

The sickening, victorious smirk that stretched over the former Supreme Leader’s scarred face was the last thing Kylo Ren registered before slipping into the darkness.


	2. Flickering Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo Ren's first Force connection after Crait doesn't go according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, readers!
> 
> So you can mentally prepare yourselves, this fic alternates between Kylo's POV (odd chapters) and Rey's POV (even chapters).
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey collapsed gratefully in the  _ Falcon’s  _ pilot chair. Every fiber in her being urged her to curl up against the faded leather of the seat, close her eyes, and drift into a dreamless sleep. 

The past few weeks had drained her in more ways than she had formerly believed possible. Adrenaline had kept her physical body from succumbing to exhaustion; faith in her friends had fortified her mental resolve, gently pulling her further into their enthusiastic atmosphere. 

Her emotions had taken the brunt of the damage, however. In the span of a few short days, almost every hope she so tightly clung to had been shattered, leaving her emotions frayed and untethered. 

She had been so sure that all she required was a bit of training in the ways of the Force, then she and the Resistance would topple the First Order once and for all. 

She had been positive that her parents had abandoned her in order to protect her - they had seen no other way to save her from the evil chasing them so they left her alone on Jakku, planning to return as soon as they could. Barring their return, she had known deep in her bones that she would find her parents while helping the Resistance. Tears streaming down their faces, they would gaze on their daughter with adoration before rushing to embrace her in a hug that would never be broken. Her father would pull her close, smelling of sweat and leather from long days staring up at the sky waiting for his daughter to find her way home, and would whisper “I’m proud of you; I love you” over and over until she never forgot. Her mother’s hands would be soft and warm, her smile bright and carefree. As their embrace lingered, Rey would know that she had followed the right path in joining the Resistance, in training in the ways of the Force. Her mother and father were proud of her. They loved her. 

That hope had been sucked into the cold and unforgiving vacuum of space. 

Horror had gripped her heart, squeezing every drop of hope unrelentlessly from her mind when Kylo Ren had smashed her dreams of a happy family. He hadn’t intended the words to be cruel and cut her heart to shreds, she had seen that by the pained expression on his face as he spoke, but still the truth slashed her apart like the blade of a lightsaber.

Sighing heavily, Rey pulled herself up from the pilot’s chair. Dwelling on her latest confrontation with her supposed-enemy would only rip her emotions open further. For a few brief, bright days, she had allowed herself to be fooled into believing that Ben Solo existed somewhere, locked away in the swirling void of bitterness and anger that was Kylo Ren. Now, she was confronted with the ugly realization that the final shreds of Ben Solo had died right before her eyes as she rejected his offer of ruling the galaxy in favor of saving her friends. 

_ I did not kill him,  _ she chided herself.  _ I stuck to my values and chose my friends and the vows I made to them and to the Resistance over a man who clearly has no desire to be redeemed.  _

Yet, even as she thought the words, her mind spun in confusion over which parts of the moments she had shared with General Organa’s son had been real and which had been manufactured by Snoke.  _ Was Ben trying to push his way back, or were all of his words funneled through the mask of Kylo Ren? Was I being played?  _

_ Is there any hope left at all for Ben? _

As the mentions of his name in her thoughts became more prominent, Rey felt the tap on the edge of her consciousness grow steadily stronger as Kylo Ren tried to pry open their Force connection and gain access to her. 

Rey grasped the control panel in front of her to steady herself and breathed in deeply, grounding herself. Drawing upon the Light side of the Force, along with her characteristic stubbornness, Rey tried her best to remember the meditation practices Luke Skywalker had taught her during their brief time together. She had no intention of allowing her connection with Kylo Ren to open. Not today, not ever. 

_ “You cannot run from me.”  _ Rey shivered involuntarily as the cold, mocking voice slid through the cracks in her mental defenses. The voice hadn’t sounded like Kylo Ren, though she reminded herself that there was no one else the voice could have belonged to - even if other Force-sensitive people were in reach of her, they would be unable to breach her connection with Kylo Ren. 

Gasping softly, Rey’s meditation focus crumbled as hundreds of small, sharp pains dug into her mind like knives. Gritting her teeth, her fingers curled tighter against the control panel as she pushed back against the Force connection, trying desperately to replicate her actions when she had left Crait. 

Agony swept across her consciousness, almost forcing her to her knees.  _ “Peace is a lie…”  _ A chill passed over her spine as the haunting voice whispered those words over and over. 

_ “Peace is a lie…”  _

The crack in her mind widened. The pain grew in intensity.  _ I can’t fight this,  _ Rey thought with despair. 

Anxiety gripped her heart tightly, freezing out all thoughts of escape.  _ “You have given me nothing but failure.” _

Darkness creeped in around her consciousness from all sides, locking her in her mind.  _ Is this how I die? Trapped in a Force connection and overwhelmed by the Dark Side?  _

Suddenly, the darkness was pulled back like air through a hole, recoiling from her mind and fading back through the now numerous cracks in her mental walls. “ _ I’m sorry, Rey -”  _ a soft voice, burdened with unhealed wounds and mind-numbing guilt whispered through the last remaining thread of the connection. 

With what seemed to Rey an audible  _ clang,  _ the connection slammed shut. 

Shaking, tears and sweat mingling together as they ran down her face, Rey collapsed back into the pilot’s chair.  _ What just happened?  _

* * *

 

Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, Rey strode quickly from the landing pad where the  _ Falcon  _ was docked - hidden mostly from sight due to the large, leafy trees obstructing the area. Though the jungle planet of Dxun had not been anyone’s first choice for the new hideout of the Resistance, days spent locked together in the small space of the  _ Falcon  _ had proven to be an even less popular choice. 

Dxun was a far cry from the weather Rey had grown up with: Wet where Jakku was dry, hot and humid where Jakku had only the blistering sun, the worlds were two extreme temperatures and Rey found herself unsure how to handle Dxun’s sticky heat. Her short time on Ahch-To had not been enough for her body to adjust to a world where sudden rain storms were simply a way of life. 

Picking her way carefully through the dense vegetation and intermittently swatting at the dozens of bugs swarming her, Rey did her best to keep her thoughts from circling back to her bizarre and painful Force connection with Kylo Ren just hours ago.  _ No,  _ she sternly scolded herself as the seeds of concern that had been planted in her mind began to grow.  _ I have more pressing matters to think about than the man who wants to murder me and all my friends.  _

To distract her mind as she trekked through the jungle’s undergrowth, Rey allowed herself to pick up where she had left off the night before in counting the number of projects the Resistance still needed to accomplish in order to make their new base more secure. Since landing on Dxun three days prior, the Resistance had set up base within a series of caves. At first, Poe had suggested that they should make camp in a large, crumbling structure marked as being a relic from the Old Republic on their holomap. General Organa had taken one look at the location and dismissed the idea, choosing instead the first few caverns in a labyrinth of caves.

Distantly, Rey wondered what the Old Republic had used the structure for, and if the building had anything to do with the immense draw of the Force she had felt since stepping foot on Dxun’s surface. 

By the time Rey reached the entrance to the Resistance’s base, the number of projects she had cataloged stretched well over two-dozen. 

“Rey!” Startled from her thoughts, Rey glanced up to see Finn waving at her, a broad smile covering his face. “I was about to come looking for you - the meeting’s about to start.” 

Falling in step beside Finn, Rey was content to let her friend lead the way through the caves to the one Poe had dubbed the “War Room.” 

_ I need to come up with a way to keep him out of my head; I might not be able to fight off...whatever that Darkness was again.  _ She shuddered involuntarily as phantom pain echoed in her mind.

A gentle weight on her shoulder pulled her back to the present. “...Rey? You alright? You don’t look so great -”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, shooting her worried friend the flash of a smile as she scooted around him and into the “War Room” beyond. “Really, Finn, no need to worry about me.” 

Stepping into the cave, Rey’s eyes scanned the room: General Organa and Poe, together with the majority of the remaining Resistance fighters, were huddled around the portable holomap from Crait that they had been able to load onto the  _ Falcon _ . Placed on an uneven rock protruding from the middle of the cave floor, the holomap tilted at an awkward angle as it hovered above their heads. 

General Organa glanced up, her eyes warming slightly when Finn and Rey walked into the room, “Ah, Rey, good to have you join us.”

Rey nodded in response, wary of all of the people staring at her as she approached the holomap. It struck her then how little she knew about most of the remaining Resistance fighters. Outside of Finn and the General, she had just been introduced to Poe and Rose a few days prior and knew very little about anyone else in the room.  _ You’re here because you believe in the cause,  _ she reminded herself stubbornly.  _ Don’t waste time thinking about what you might have had - it never would have worked with B-”  _

Far too many times that day to count, Rey had to forcibly reel in her thoughts.  _ I wish I had put more training into learning meditation techniques on Ahch-To.  _

“Friends,” General Organa began somberly, “we have suffered heavy losses these past few weeks. Everyone present has lost dear comrades or family members.” Rey imagined she heard the General’s voice waver for a briefest moment, no doubt thinking of her recently deceased brother. “Yet, in the midst of all this suffering there is hope.”

General Organa paused, stopping to make eye contact with every person assembled. “Hope that we have not fought and bled and lost  _ so  _ much without bringing about some sort of change. We retain our belief that good people, no matter how few in number, can wage war against tyranny. For there is a hope that dwells in all of our hearts: that a better world will be built and all our sacrifices will not have been in vain. In light of this hope, I bring good news...” 

Rey felt the world tip beneath her feet. A kaleidoscope of colors burst to life before her eyes.

Her rapidly clouding mind dimly caught onto the General’s next words. “Since our escape from Crait, it seems that news of Rey’s courageous battle with and defeat of the leader of the First Order has reignited the Resistance’s spark. I have already heard from five of our allies’ representatives who are willing to rejoin the cause, and I expect to hear from more allies within a few days.” At the explosion of applause and cheers, the General stopped, the small smile that spread across her face appeared to rejuvenate her and wipe away years of heartache. “The Resistance will rise again and all of our efforts will not be wasted. We will survive.” 

_ “It will all be in vain. There is nothing you can do.”  _ A cold chill swept across Rey’s mind, tugging sharply on her Force connection with Kylo Ren. 

Images that didn’t belong to Rey flashed behind her eyes: A flash of green against bamboo walls; a young girl huddling in fear, bathed in shadows against the corner of an abandoned warehouse; a tall, raven-haired man - the voice in Rey’s head whispered the word “friend” - pressing a cold, metal transponder into his hand, swearing unending loyalty.

Darkness reached into her mind, tendrils of bitterness and rage and  _ fear  _ wrapped themselves around her consciousness, pulling her away from reality in a sudden rush of dizziness. 

* * *

 

_ Her lungs were on fire.  _

_ Specks of purple and blue light floated in front of her closed eyelids.  _

_ Pressure pushed against her from all sides; right, left, up, no matter which way she struggled the pressure shoved her further down into the watery abyss.  _

_ Water so cold it burned shoved its way into through her tightly closed lips and scalded her throat. Anxious for air, Rey struck out blindly with her arms and legs, all the while calling out mutely for the Force to lend her its strength in her desperate bid for freedom.  _

_ But to no avail. The more Rey strained and tried to reach the calming supply of power that normally rested within easy reach, the more she felt the Force pulling away from her, just barely out of grasp.  _

_ Tingles of numbness spread from the bottoms of her feet up to her chest. She was running out of air. _

_ Panic overrode all logic. Struggling harder against the invisible pressure of the murky water, Rey tried forcing her way up to the surface. It felt like she was swimming in a bacta tank, moving but making no progress.  _

_ Darkness tinged her vision.  _

_ A sharp, slimy substance brushed against her right leg, its razor sharp edges tearing into her skin. Legs going numb from the pressure and lack of air, Rey felt her eyes flutter closed as she gave in and let the water drag her down into its depths.  _

_ A strong, vice-like grip wrapped around her stomach, wrenching her from the shadow monster’s clutches and pulling her steadily towards the surface.  _

_ As soon as her head broke through the surface of the water, Rey’s eyes flew open. Water poured from her mouth as she coughed up the gallons she had swallowed.  _

_ Glancing around, Rey carefully surveyed her surroundings. She was in the middle of a lake the color of fresh mud. Far off to the west, she glimpsed the fuzzy outline of what appeared to be a rocky shore, too far away to swim to in her current state of exhaustion. To the east lay nothing but more of the murky water. Turning to the north, she breathed a sigh of relief to see another shoreline, this one only a few hundred feet away from her current position.  _

_ As she twisted her body around to look toward the south and gain full awareness of her environment, her senses caught up with her, jogging her memory and reminding her that something - a potentially dangerous something - had pulled her to the surface.  _

_ Or someone. “Ben,” she gasped, feeling somehow more terrified and relaxed at the same time. The moment his name passed through her lips, he released his hold on her and floated a few feet away, as if she was somehow going to attack him when they were both stuck in the middle of a lake. Rey kept her gaze fixed on him, just as wary of him as he appeared to be of her.  _

_ “What are you doing here?” The weariness in his tone surprised her. He looked absolutely drained of energy: Dark circles had formed under his eyes, highlighting the surprise and paranoia evident in his frequent and calculating glances in her direction.  _

_ “I-I don’t know,” Rey admitted, her voice coming out strangely clear despite how rough her throat ought to have been after swallowing and coughing up copious amounts of water. “Are we in the same place?” She asked, staring at his equally wet hair and clothes.  _

_ “It would appear so,” he replied tersely. “But how did you get here? You shouldn’t be here.”  _

_ “Trust me,” she responded somewhat hotly, “I would rather be anywhere else.” The same anger and disappointment that she had come to live with rose up within her; she found it was easier to direct those emotions toward the man in front of her rather than waste time sorting through them when she needed to appear strong in front of her friends.  _

_ “You shouldn’t be here,” he insisted. His dark eyes bore into her, pleading with her, though pleading about what she had no idea.  _

_ “You keep saying that.” Feeling coming back into her legs, Rey moved her arms wildly to try and stay afloat.  _

_ Kylo Ren glanced at her quizzically, “What are you doing?” _

_ “What does it look like?” She snapped, her patience wearing thin, “I’m trying not to drown.” _

_ “You’re expelling too much energy,” he noted calmly. “Did you never learn how to swim?”  _

_ “Swimming isn’t exactly a priority when you grow up in the desert,” she answered. Looking down at her rapidly moving limbs, Rey realized that he was right and that she would wear herself out if she continued moving around so much.  _

_ “You’re struggling too much.” The closeness of his voice had Rey pulling her attention from her predicament back to the enemy who was now just out of arm’s reach. “Move your arms and legs in small circles; you can wade water for a lot longer that way.”  _

_ Hesitantly, Rey did as he suggested. At first, she worried that slowing her movements would result in her sinking back into the depths of the water, but as the minutes ticked by and she remained above the water’s surface, she was relieved to find that her energy reserves diminished much slower than before. “If I wanted to kill you,” he said, the barest hint of a smile pulling at his lips, “I would come up with more effective ways than having you drown yourself.”  _

_ She huffed softly and lifted her eyes back up to meet his. “Is that supposed to be a comforting thought?” _

_ “No,” he replied, confusion coating his voice, “just stating a fact. Besides,” he continued, ignoring the glare she threw his way, “this water isn’t even real.” At her shocked gasp, he elaborated, “If any of this was actually happening, you would have swallowed far too much water and would either be unconscious or dead right now.”  _

_ “So, if this isn’t real, then why are we in the middle of a lake?” Frustration bubbled within her again, “Did you put us here?”  _

_ “I didn’t do this,” he insisted, anger evident in his tone. Like the beginnings of a sandstorm, Rey felt his boiling emotions slam into her. Mind and body recoiling at the sudden change of emotional atmosphere, Rey floated back a few feet, subconsciously moving towards the small island she had noticed was to the south of her current location.  _

_ Thunder boomed across the sky far above them. Clouds swollen with rain blocked out the last remnants of the pale sun. As the first droplets began to fall, Rey felt a gentle tug on her injured leg.  _

_ Before she could react, the gentle tug turned into the unbreakable grasp of a being much stronger than herself. Panicked thoughts of being pulled under the water again had her struggling with everything she had, trying with all her might to swim toward the small island just feet away.  _

_ Her vision darkened as fear consumed her. In that moment, Rey knew that this monster would be the thing that killed her - she would fail the Resistance, she would fail her friends and all the people in the galaxy who trusted in her to help save them, and worst of all she would die a completely pathetic death: killed by an unseen monster in a murky lake that didn’t exist, stuck in a Force bond with her greatest enemy.  _

**_“You don’t have to give in,”_ ** _ a warm, tempting voice whispered from the depths of the lake. _ **_“Grab hold of the power inside of you; save your friends, save yourself. All it takes is a little dip.”_ ** _ In that moment, the fog that had plagued Rey’s mind ever since Finn found her on Jakku and pulled her into a war that went so far past what she had agreed to help with fled from her.  _ **_“You can bend the Force to your will,”_ ** _ the voice promised,  _ **_“no one is in charge of your destiny except you. Take what you deserve.”_ **

_ She could do anything; be anything. She would no longer be confined to the wishes of others. Elation flooding her mind, Rey reached out and tentatively touched the edge of her connection to the Force. Immediately, power like a raging wildfire crashed into her, threatening to consume her with its intense heat.  _ **_“Don’t resist,”_ ** _ the sweet tones sung in her mind; power coursed through her veins, leaving her hungry for more. All she had to do was reach the island. _

_ Rey’s hand stretched out in response to the power humming through her body:  _ **_“No one can hold you back, take control -”_ **

_ A cold, clammy hand latched onto her outstretched arm. A familiar tug in the back of her mind pulled her harshly from the comforting glow of raw, untamed power. “Rey.” Snapping back to reality, Rey found herself staring into the uncharacteristically concerned eyes of Kylo Ren. The fog seeped back over her mind, closing her off to the power she had just bathed in.  _

_ An aching loneliness swept over her at the dulling of her Force sensitivity. “Why did you stop me?” She demanded, anger roaring to life inside of her much faster than before. “I was so close! I could feel it,” she murmured, softer.  _

_ “It was consuming you,” he muttered, still holding tightly onto her arm as if he thought she would be swept away if he let go.  _

_ She shook her head, pulling herself from his grasp. “No, that’s not true. I was using it. I felt so -” _

_ “Powerful?” He supplied, concern still evident in his voice. “That’s what you felt: Power.”  _

_ Beneath the swirling waves, Rey felt the unmistakable brush of temptation rising back up to reach her. She glanced down longingly. “Why are you trying to keep me from my destiny?” She asked, sorrow coating her words.  _

_ “Destiny?” He repeated with a harsh, barking laugh. “Being consumed by power is hardly your destiny.”  _

_ “It wouldn’t consume me,” she argued hotly, “I wouldn’t allow it.” Setting her jaw stubbornly, Rey turned her face away to block out the confusing picture of her enemy being concerned for her wellbeing. Sweeping her hand slowly under the water, she willed the warmth to return to her, calling it up from the depths as she moved closer to the rocky outcrop. _

_ “Rey,” Kylo warned, “don’t do this.” _

_ “What I do is not up to you,” she retorted. “You made it clear that you had no wish to help me when you refused to call off the attack on the Resistance ships and save my friends.” If the twinge of anger she felt through their Force bond was any indication, Rey knew she had touched upon a raw wound. Instead of feeling guilty for causing harm, however, Rey simply felt a sense of pride that she could still get under his skin so easily.  _

_ Heat flared along her fingertips. Reaching out, Rey grazed the edge of the island with her bare hands, trying with all her strength to pull the warmth deep inside her where it could never diminish.  _

_ Just as the heat began spreading across her mind, Rey felt her connection with the sweet sensation snap as her body was shoved out of the way. Alarmed, she tried to push back, but found herself unable to move. Fog once more covered her brain, sweeping away the temptation she had just been overwhelmed by moments before. _

_ Disbelief at the sight in front of her had her blinking in confusion. Standing on the rocky island she had tried so desperately to reach, clothes suddenly dry, was Kylo Ren. Confusion settled within her at the realization that she was suddenly standing on a piece of solid ground that was almost level with the island. But what caught her attention the most was the thick, swirling cloud of darkness obscuring the majority of the island Kylo was standing on.  _

_ Heat flickered from the shadow, casting its sparks onto her bare arms. “What’s going on?” She asked, unable to keep the fear and uncertainty from her voice.  _

_ Tendrils of heat and shadow wrapped themselves around the form of her enemy. Pain radiated from him through their bond, though he did not so much as flinch as the shadow crept closer, pressing in from all sides. “You shouldn’t have come here, Rey.” His voice was so soft that Rey had to strain to catch his words above the thunder booming closer. “It isn’t safe for you.”  _

_ “Safe? What are you talking about?” Worry blossomed to life within her chest as the shadow drew ever closer, threatening to envelop Kylo Ren completely.  _

_ He shook his head sadly, “You wouldn’t understand.”  _

_ Rey felt their connection start to wither seconds before her vision darkened. The last thing she saw was the deep, dark shadow of fire seep into the slumped, defeated form of Ben Solo. _


	3. Madness Descending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Snoke's Force Ghost appearances become more frequent, Kylo's mental fortitude begins to weaken.

Broken shards of glass glistened ominously under the harsh, orange glow cast by the overhead fluorescent lights. Scattered haphazardly across the carpet, the remnants of the room’s one mirror would serve as a warning signal should anyone dare cross the door’s threshold.

Sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room, the last concern on Kylo Ren’s mind was that any of his officers would be foolish enough to disturb him.

_No, they’re all getting exactly what they desire._ The realization nagged at him, but he could barely summon the energy to care what took place on the Bridge when he was absent, as long as his orders were still followed without hesitation.

_“As you sit here moping, your adversaries seize control.”_ Kylo Ren didn’t even bother to raise his head to look as the sinister form of his former master appeared, glowering down at him in disdain. _“Pathetic.”_

Kylo slammed his hands on the floor at the mocking tone, savoring the fresh waves of pain as splinters of glass tore through his palms, staining the carpet red.

For the past week, ever since his last real conversation with Rey - if saving her from drowning multiple times and arguing over nothing could rightly be called a conversation - Snoke’s ghost form had rarely left his side.

The constant litany of “traitor” and “failure” had quickly worn out his overtaxed mind. In private, these mostly one-sided conversations with his dead master were easier to handle.

But more than once already he had lost control in front of the soldiers - _his_ soldiers. He knew from their frightened expressions that rumors were circulating as to his mental stability. His most ill-timed outburst to date had occurred earlier that day on the Bridge, surrounded by all of the highest-ranking members of the First Order who tried their best to appear unaffected, contrasted by an incredibly smug General Hux. One moment Kylo Ren had been listening to Captain Phasma - who had somehow, once again, survived being blown up and tossed over the side of a gaping hole in the floor - report the latest failures of her scouts out searching for Resistance forces, and the next moment he was screaming furiously at what his officers saw as nothing but air.

Utterly humiliated, he had fixed General Hux with a glare intense enough to wipe the smug grin off his face before storming from the room with an excessive show of power. Maintenance would fashion new doors for the Bridge by morning, replacing the ones he had torn from their hinges with the Force.

Now, sitting on the floor of his room and obstinately fighting the urge to unleash his pent-up frustration on a transparent being who could not possibly be injured, Kylo Ren was forced to admit to himself that he was quickly becoming unhinged. More so than normal anyway.

_“Do you think you can ignore my presence?”_ His master spoke again, the condescending tone grating on Kylo’s nerves.

“Just leave me alone,” Kylo responded. This time he didn’t bother hiding his weariness. Though he was uncertain how much power a Force ghost actually possessed, he was confident that no act of indifference or show of strength would persuade Snoke to believe that his presence was not, in fact, tearing Kylo apart.

Piece by piece, just like the mirror that lay shattered all around him.

_“Ah, did you imagine that I would abandon you once I died?”_ A chill ran down Kylo’s spine as phantom fingers curled under his chin, forcing his head to rise to meet his master’s gaze. Appearing much as he had in life, the only noticeable differences in the Supreme Leader’s countenance in death were his lack of a physical body and the eerie red glow that highlighted his spectral figure.

Staring into his master’s cold, cruel eyes, Kylo Ren found he couldn’t move. Conflicting emotions stirred within him: Fear, shame, relief. _“Even now, you do not fight me.”_ Even though Kylo knew it was impossible, he felt the grip on his jaw tighten. _“What compelled you to betray me?”_ Panicking, he tried averting his eyes and freeing himself, but no matter how hard he thought to struggle, his body would not react. _“Was it the girl?”_

“No.” The lie passed through his lips before he could think of an explanation to cover, to somehow turn Snoke’s thoughts away from Rey. A vision of her being tortured sprung to life before his eyes. Even in death, he knew his master would find a way to hurt Rey again. He would not allow that to happen. Not after everything he had thrown away just to save that sentimental girl’s life.

_“Do you care for her?”_ A sound like grinding nails sounded deep in the Supreme Leader’s thoat. Chuckle increasing in volume, Snoke released his grip.

The second lie refused to be uttered. Not knowing how else to respond, Kylo looked down at the glass mingling with the blood flowing from his torn palms. Beyond guilt, he had no idea what he felt toward the girl who so desperately wanted to follow along in the footsteps of the Jedi; she had no idea that what she was searching for were merely false teachings.

_“What did you think would happen once I was dead, my foolish apprentice?”_ Kylo lacked a response to that question, as well. For a brief moment, he had thought that Rey would stay with him; he had imagined that they would be free from oppressive authority together.

Disappointment coated his master’s words, _“I had such high expectations when you first came to me, demanding knowledge and power. And now look at you, abandoning every lesson I drilled into you head. All for some lowly scavenger.”_

Pain and anger fueling him, Kylo struggled to his feet, ignoring the fragments of glass that cut through his clothing. Summoning strength he hadn’t realized he possessed, he freed his lightsaber from its hook on his belt, igniting the crimson blade. “Get out of my head!” He demanded sharply.

Snoke shook his head tauntingly, the transparency of his body blurring the movement. **_“_** _Do you think she will return for you?”_ That slow grin twisted his face, the smile that always indicated the next lesson was going to be an especially painful one. _“Everyone has fled from you.”_ Unconcerned with the lightsaber humming inches from his face, Snoke stepped closer. _“No matter how much you fight it, you were destined to follow the path of the Dark Side. All alone.”_

Scream tearing from his lips, Kylo Ren stepped forward, slashing and hacking at the space his master occupied from beyond the grave.

Laughter echoing through the caverns of his mind, the ghost faded away. **_“_ ** _You have always been drawn to the darkness, since the very first moment you embraced the Force.”_

Chest heaving with exertion, Kylo surveyed the damage and noted with little care that the majority of his chambers had been cleaved apart during his rampage. All that mattered was that he was alone, for the moment.

“I think I would prefer having that arrogant, idiotic Jedi haunting me like he promised,” he muttered. “At least I would enjoy repeatedly killing him.”

Deactivating his lightsaber, Kylo mused over Snoke’s words. Was leading the First Order his destiny? Did he even want the responsibility? Did he have a choice?

_It doesn’t matter if I want it or not, the power is mine now and I have to hold onto it. Power is the only thing I have left._

_But keeping Hux and those other vultures occupied and docile is going to be impossible with Snoke showing up at the worst possible moments._ Power struggles were hard enough without having to factor in deceased Supreme Leaders who refused to mind their own business.

“What is the point in killing people if they keep coming back? Dead people need to stay dead,” he commanded, absently wondering if Snoke could even still hear him or if he was talking to himself again. _I’m officially going to be crazy. And no one is going to consider me a leader - not even the most idiotic of stormtroopers - if they seriously start questioning whether I’m sane or not._

Just days ago he had been occupied with trying to keep Rey out of his head, and now he had two people - two incredibly different people with conflicting values - pulling constantly at his mind. Both of them drove him crazy.

Rey puzzled him. Everything she did, she claimed to do in defense of others. As if she alone was responsible for protecting the galaxy. But hadn’t all of this been thrust upon her, all because she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had, for some unfathomable reason, elected to aid the Resistance? General Organa probably had something to do with Rey’s newfound drive to help the Resistance succeed - that woman had always possessed an irritating knack for convincing people to pursue things they had no interest in, no matter the cost.

Until they had been connected through the Force, Kylo Ren had assumed that Rey was simply another puppet of the Resistance whom their cold-hearted general would throw away without a second’s hesitation. He knew first-hand what happened to people who refused to fall in line with Leia Organa’s plans. The Skywalker siblings were similar in that way, he supposed.

What he hadn’t expected to learn was that the majority of Rey’s passion and drive came from her own convictions; the Resistance merely served as a way to funnel those attributes. It seemed that Rey legitimately cared what happened to her friends.

He had found himself eager to please her, wondering if she could be persuaded to care about the man who was supposed to be her enemy. Though the brief capability of Rey’s care for him had diminished as he stood in shock over his master’s body, unable to make any further move to assist even though saving friends was all Rey cared about, he had been unsuccessful in shutting off the raging protectiveness he felt whenever his mind wandered to think of her. Puzzling indeed.

His master dredged up memories of inadequacy: all the times he had failed to live up to the expectations piled upon him, in his current life and the last. Knowledge was all he had craved, some little understanding that would explain the turbulence he felt unbalancing his mind and tearing his heart to shreds. Snoke had taken full advantage of his naivety.

As deeply as he wanted to find a way to contact Rey, to try and explain _why_ he could not help her - though he wanted to, oh how he desperately wanted to - communicating with her right now was too unsafe. Snoke could reappear at any moment. If he had truly formed their connection in the first place, it was possible that Snoke could infiltrate…

Kylo shook his head, abandoning that line of thought. _I’ll die before I let Snoke anywhere near Rey’s mind again._

The intensity of the thought froze him in place. _Would I really die for her? What purpose would that serve? I need to train her so she doesn’t get herself killed, not die protecting her._

Hooking his lightsaber back onto his belt, his fingers brushed the small metal object that he kept stashed on his person at all times.

“I’m not alone,” he reminded himself. A genuine smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he thought back to Rey’s confident assertion from a few weeks earlier. “Since the beginning, I’ve never been alone.”

Maybe he was stuck on a downward spiral of death of destruction, but that didn’t mean Rey had to be. On the off chance that his multiple visions of Rey embracing the darkness were accurate, Kylo knew he had to do everything in his power to change the direction of those visions entirely. Rey would not be the same person - full of hope and optimism - if she fell to the Dark Side: he certainly wasn’t.

Lifting the transponder, Kylo sent out a brief encoded message to the one person who had repeatedly proven their loyalty: the only person he knew he could always trust.

Basking in the tumultuous mixture of emotions washing over him, Kylo Ren decided then that he would do it all: bring the First Order under his control and save Rey, even if the entire galaxy was against him.

The ratio of Light and Dark shifted deep within his fractured soul.


	4. Changing Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confesses how Snoke really died.

Nervous energy pumped through Rey’s veins as she tried to stand as still as possible under the scrutinizing gaze of General Organa. 

Explaining to the general of the Resistance that Rey was bonded through the Force to the current leader of the First Order, who just so happened to be her son, had been one of the most embarrassing conversations Rey had ever been part of. Of course, it had not helped matters that Rey had kept silent about the bond. Now it probably looked like she had something to hide. 

A few days had passed since the general’s original questioning and each day that passed without the topic being broached again left Rey feeling anxious.

It was impossible to tell what Leia was thinking behind her mask of indifference. When the general had first confronted Rey while she was recovering from her latest trip down vision lane, Rey had tried to deny the accusation, caught up as she was in confusion over how Leia had even figured out to straight up ask if Rey had a connection with the her son. 

Rey’s confusion had quickly shifted to a shameful blush that bloomed across her cheeks once Leia explained, in a patient and yet stoic tone, that Rey had been mumbling Ben’s name while she was partially unconscious. Thankfully, as no one else in the Resistance besides Chewie knew about the familiar ties between the Resistance and the First Order, Leia had confronted Rey alone. For that, Rey was grateful. 

As it was, she had no idea how she was going to come up with an explanation for why she had passed out in the middle of a battle meeting. It would have been even worse if she had to explain to Poe and Finn and Rose why she was communicating with their enemy.

“I know this looks bad,” Rey began, unable to stand the silent tension any longer. “But really, I just didn’t want to worry anyone. It’s not a big deal.” If the raised eyebrow and unconvinced look on the general’s face was anything to go by, Rey knew she needed to think of something else to say. Fast. 

“Does this happen often?” Leia questioned before Rey could come up with a better excuse as to why she had kept her weird relationship with the new Supreme Leader quiet. 

“Um,” Rey paused, not sure how to respond. “It’s only happened a few times since Crait.” She admitted, fully aware that Leia was waiting for more of an explanation. “I never know when it’s going to happen until it does.” 

“And what is causing this to happen? Is he doing this to you?” The slight undertone of anger in Leia’s voice surprised Rey immensely. The general didn’t get angry; maybe occasionally filled with righteous indignation, but not anger. 

“No!” Rey blurted out, feeling suddenly burdened to not let the blame for their connection rest on Ben - Kylo Ren, whatever she should call him. “At least, I really don’t think so. Snoke said that he connected us, so I’m not entirely sure why it’s still happening now that he’s dead.” 

The general turned her eyes to the cave wall behind Rey’s head, searching the stones intently as if they held answers. “But this connection is hurting you, if what I witnessed in the War Room a few days ago is any indication.” 

Her pain wasn’t the issue. “Well, sometimes, but-”

Leia interjected, speaking over Rey as if she had not heard her. “Maybe he did not cause this connection, but it seems that he is using it to bring injury to you. Any injury you suffer, the Resistance suffers. We cannot allow this to continue.” 

The general’s refusal to even speak her son’s name set Rey on edge. What had happened to bring this rift between the two of them? 

To an extent, Rey felt herself feeling empathetic to Kylo’s split with his uncle, though she would never admit that to him for fear it sounded too much like she was excusing the terrible things he had done. “No,” she said again. “The pain I’m feeling, it’s not actually hurting me.” Rey racked her brain to come up with a way to explain, “It’s more like a phantom pain.”

Leia continued looking unconvinced so Rey threw all caution aside and gave voice to her suspicions. “I think the pain I’m feeling doesn’t belong to me. Our connection sometimes lets us feel what the other is feeling. So whatever this pain is, it’s coming from Ben. Something is hurting him, and he seems to be trying to block me from the worst of it because he keeps pushing me out whenever we’re connected, but it must be overwhelming him since some of his pain keeps transferring over to me.”

Rey breathed in deeply, hoping that her explanation didn’t sound crazy. “Our last conversation felt more like a shared vision of some sort: we were in this lake and there was this strange cloud-like substance that kept pulling me under the water. But,” Rey noted with a touch of fondness in her voice, “every time I felt like I was drowning, Ben pulled me back up. He kept saying that it wasn’t safe for me to be there and that I needed to leave. I don’t really know what he was talking about. Nothing seemed dangerous until this swirling, black vortex of heat came out of nowhere and wrapped around him. Then I woke up.” 

_ She has to understand,  _ Rey thought desperately.  _ Ben isn’t hurting me; something is hurting him and I need to help stop it. _

“Did it speak to you, this cloud?” A soft voice asked from directly behind Rey. 

Barely registering the look of shock on Leia’s face, Rey turned around, completely unprepared to see a fuzzy, blue-tinged Luke Skywalker standing there, a strange mixture of glee and sadness splayed across his features. Instead of the scruffy, grumpy looking man she had encountered in life, the man before her appeared well-kept and steady, though still the same age she remembered.

“Wha-How,” she sputtered, unable to form a coherent sentence. 

“Force ghost,” Luke stated by way of explanation, gesturing to his blurry outline. “It’s a Jedi thing.” 

Ignoring the look of shock that Rey feared would be now permanently etched onto her face, Luke turned his gaze to his sister. “I don’t think I have much time, so we should quickly move past this phase of utter surprise and get to the important stuff.”

Turning his attention back to Rey, he shot her a quick look of mock disapproval at her still shell-shocked expression. “The cloud you saw, did it try to speak to you at all? Maybe try and tempt you with something?

Gathering her bearings slightly, Rey gulped and nodded. How had Master Luke known about what the voice had told her? 

Ghost Luke looked thoughtful. “That’s what I thought.” 

“But what does it  _ mean _ ?” Rey implored. This whole not knowing was driving her crazy. 

“What you felt, that was likely the pull of the dark side.” On the surface, Luke’s tone sounded calm and even a bit comforting, but Rey thought she heard a twinge of unease slip through. “I believe my sister is correct; we need to find a way to sever this bond once and for all. Though,” he mused, “if Snoke actually had the power to bind you two together in the first place, your connection should have snapped the moment he was killed.”

“Then why hasn’t it?” Leia questioned, her voice not betraying any surprise at seeing her brother from beyond the grave. 

“Good question.” Luke turned to Rey questioningly, “How did Snoke die, exactly? Perhaps knowing the details of his death will shed light on the situation.”

“Uh,” Rey averted her eyes from the siblings as they both waited eagerly for her response. Until this moment, no one had really asked her  _ how  _ the former Supreme Leader had been killed as everyone was simply excited that he was dead. Rey had been more than happy to pretend that she had somehow killed Snoke by herself, as that pretense exempted her from having to explain her connection with Ben. 

But now she was stuck in a room with the only two people besides herself and Ben who knew about the connection and she was watching her lie unravel. 

“I didn’t kill him,” she muttered, focusing her eyes on a small crack in the ground that tiny bugs were crawling in and out of. “Ben did,” she admitted, not wanting to see the emotions playing out on her leaders’ faces at the news. 

_ I keep calling him that. But that’s who saved me, isn’t it? For just a few minutes, he put that ridiculous persona aside and became himself again. _

“He did what?” The surprise in Leia’s voice was unnerving. Did she really believe that her son was so far gone that him actually helping Rey was so doubtful? 

“Ben killed Snoke.” She repeated, eyes shooting up from the floor to sternly meet the befuddled expressions of Luke and Leia.  _ Two people who failed him. Just like I did.  _ “Snoke was torturing me, probing my mind trying to learn things - trying to find out where  _ you  _ were.” Rey pointed a finger in Luke’s direction before continuing. “I guess he found out what he wanted to know because then he told Ben to kill me. The whole time I was being tortured, Ben just knelt there, watching.” 

A small shudder crept down Rey’s spine as she thought back to how calm he had been, how certain she was that he was going to kill her just as easily as he had murdered Han. 

“I thought he would,” she confessed, not wanting to share how terrified she had felt as that crimson blade ignited before her eyes. “But he didn’t.”  _ Why did he let me live?  _ “I ended up on the ground somehow; I think he might have pushed me out of the way. The next thing I really remember was looking up and seeing the determination on Ben’s face as he cut his master in half.” 

For a long moment no one spoke. As the silence wore on, Rey became less and less certain that sharing what had happened in the throne room that night had actually been the wisest decision. What if they thought she was lying? 

But surely no one had actually bought that she killed the Supreme Leader all by herself? Yes, she had come a long way in the past few weeks from the lone scavenger girl that Finn had found on Jakku, but she was hardly a trained Jedi. 

Finally, Leia broke the stifling silence. “I don’t understand.” Rey looked at her, noting with sympathy and a bit of gladness the wetness welling up in the older woman’s eyes.  _ So she does still care.  _ “If he killed Snoke,” her words were shaky, so unlike the composed general Rey was used to seeing, “then why hasn’t my son come home?”

Luke spoke up softly, “Because that’s not the end of the story. Is it, Rey?” His voice strained as he tried to keep his emotions in check. His gaze shifted and Rey realized he was being careful not to look his sister in the eye. 

How had she been drawn into all of this family drama? 

“No, it isn’t.” Wary of Luke’s wearied expression, Rey slowly and carefully detailed how she and Ben - mostly Ben - had fought together and killed Snoke’s guards - Ben had given the guards a proper title but she couldn’t remember what it was. 

She kept her emotions out of the story, trying to ignore how  _ right  _ it had felt fighting together; how nice it had been to depend on another person, knowing that they wouldn’t let you fall. For selfish reasons she didn’t even know how to begin describing, Rey kept the retelling of her argument with Ben brief, merely explaining that they had divisive opinions and had realized that being on the same side was impossible. 

Based on the not extremely favorable reactions she had received by telling the story so far, Rey felt it was a smart idea not to mention that Ben had tried to persuade her to rule the galaxy with him. That seemed like a tidbit of information best kept to herself for the time being.

Guilt and shame kept her from bringing up the broken lightsaber that she kept stashed under a loose floorboard on the  _ Falcon _ .

“He remains lost, then.” Leia stated reservedly, all trace of sadness chased away by the stoic calmness now resting on her face.  _ So that’s where Ben learned how to look so calm under pressure.  _

That sick pressure built in Rey’s stomach again. How could a woman who constantly brought ordinary folks to rally under a banner of rebellion have so little faith in her own son? “I think you’re wrong about him.” She insisted, her voice strong as she faced Luke. “Both of you are wrong about him.”

Oddly, Leia didn’t respond.

“I wish I were.” Ghost Luke replied, seemingly unfazed at being called out by his former - current? - student. “I would love to be wrong about him. But I’m not.” 

Anger bubbled up in Rey at how quickly Luke was willing to dismiss all evidence pointing to the fact that  _ his own nephew  _ was not, in fact, too far gone to save. 

He continued, undeterred by her raging emotions. “I know what I saw in him, Rey. You saw it, too, in that latest vision you had.” Luke paused, searching her eyes. “I know you want to believe that there’s still good in him, but the darkness you felt pulling you down belongs to him.”

Desperate to do something with her nervous energy, Rey began pacing. “You’re wrong,” she muttered under her breath. “I know what Ben’s power feels like and this darkness wasn’t him.” Frustration tore at her mind. The answer seemed so close, so obvious, but she couldn’t quite place it.

“Rey,” Luke began.

An idea sparked to life in Rey’s mind as her eye caught the blurry outline of her master. “Wait. Is it possible for people who use the dark side to be Force ghosts, too?” 

Luke hesitated. “I’ve never heard of such a thing happening. …Why?”

_ That seems unfair.  _ “Because I know what I felt.” Rey stopped pacing, her back to the siblings. “It was Snoke. Somehow-somehow he’s still around. Maybe he’s talking to Ben like you’re talking to me.” Ignoring the words Luke was sputtering behind her, Rey continued. “That would explain it all. Snoke would be angry that Ben killed him so he’s hurting him, and I can feel it because we’re connected. Right?” She spun around on the balls of her feet, expecting to be congratulated for her reasoning skills.

Instead, she was distressed to find both her master and the general of the Resistance staring at her with unreadable expressions.

“I highly doubt that.” At least Luke had the presence of mind to look slightly apologetic as the words slipped from his tongue. “I’ve seen the darkness in him, Rey: it’s immense and nearly impossible to control. There isn’t anything else you can do for him.” he insisted patiently.

“So I should just give up?” She snapped. “Like you did when you thought about killing him?” 

If ghosts could pale, Luke did. “That’s not-”

“You told me,” Rey continued, anger coating her words, “that you considered killing Ben that night he burned your temple down. You said you had your lightsaber out, that you were ready to strike-”

Luke’s blurry form flickered. “Yes, I did consider it. But I didn’t actually try, I thought better -”

“You did what?” The eerily cold voice of General Leia Organa halted the intense staring contest taking place between master and student. 

Rey’s eyes danced between brother and sister.  _ She didn’t know? How could she not have known? _

“What did you do, Luke?” Leia demanded, staring intently at the quickly fading form of Luke Skywalker.

Weariness and guilt flashed across his face. Luke opened his mouth to respond, but his form disappeared from view before whatever words he had planned on saying had taken on a verbal quality. 

_ That’s convenient,  _ Rey noted as she looked at the place her master had been floating just seconds ago. 

***

The sweltering humidity of Dxun’s surface proved more favorable than the suffocating tension inside the cave base. Rey breathed a sigh of relief the moment she was out of sight from the base’s entrance. After the whirlwind of emotions she had just experienced, it was a nice change to be away from all the people crowding each other. 

Thankfully, the general had not expected any further answers from Rey and had quickly excused herself from the cave’s room once Luke had vanished. 

_ How do you keep that kind of secret from someone?  _ Rey wondered as she determinedly pushed her way through the thick underbrush in her rush to check on the  _ Falcon _ .  _ How do you turn away from family so easily?  _

_ If I had a family I would never give up on them, no matter what they did.  _ She thought of Finn, of his hearty laugh and the way he could raise her spirits even during the worst times. He knew what it was like to feel trapped in a life that you hadn’t chosen. And yet, somehow, he always had a broad smile on his face and stuck by her side even when the odds were stacked against them. She thought of Poe, the brave fighter pilot who, according to Finn, was fearless and reckless to the extreme. She thought of Rose, the young woman who had saved Finn’s life and helped bash some sense into his head when he felt like running. 

They were all misfits. They had all committed crimes. So why did they all get second chances when Ben was left on his own?

Sweat and blood mingled together, sliding down her arms from where the sharp vines had cut her bare skin. Unconcerned, she pushed on. Heat pressed in on her from all sides, drawing her mind back to the tempting warmth of the creature in the lake. It couldn’t really be the darkness that Luke suggested, she would have been able to tell. 

_ But,  _ she mused,  _ Ben was worried. Why would he be worried about the darkness, though? And why would he be worried about me? _

Some answers didn’t come easily. Maybe life was just unfair. Maybe not everyone got the second chance that they deserved. 

Maybe some people couldn’t be saved.

A shadow crossed the rough path in front of Rey. As a precaution, she reached down to her hip to retrieve her blaster. Only to realize she had left it on her bunk that morning. She was alone in the jungle. Alone and unarmed.

Panicked, Rey closed her eyes and tried to remember the lessons Luke had taught her. Though few in number and hardly detailed enough for her to use to fight, they just might be able to keep her alive.

Calling on the Force as normal, Rey dipped into the Light energy she felt pooled within her. The coolness washed over her aching limbs, chasing the tiredness from her mind. 

“You’re the new Jedi.” A distinctly feminine voice remarked from off to Rey’s left. 

Eyes snapping open, Rey raised her fists, ready to fight. 

A woman a few years older than herself stood a few feet away. Hair the color of sand basking in the sun hung off to the side of her head in a single, tight braid. Piercing dark blue eyes stuck out like beacons from the woman’s pale skin. She was clothed in form-fitting, light grey leather armour; a cloak the color of ash lay draped over one shoulder. Quickly, Rey’s eyes were drawn to the two lightsabers hanging from the woman’s thin belt, one on each side, ready to be drawn at a moment’s notice. 

“Who are you?” Rey demanded. She felt the stagnant strength of the Force coursing through this strange woman’s veins and it frightened her.  _ Master Luke claimed he was the last Jedi. Was he wrong? Or lying? _

The woman raised her hands placidly, careful to keep her distance from the lightsabers on her belt. “My name is Anya Dineyia, young Jedi, and I was sent here to teach you the ways of the Force.”


	5. Mutiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceased Supreme Leaders shouldn't be allowed to talk.

His public outbursts were becoming common knowledge among even the lowest ranking soldiers in the First Order. Until now, hearing the whispered remarks made behind his back and seeing the uneasy glances sent his way when he was deemed too preoccupied to notice, Kylo Ren had never given much thought to just how often fear of Supreme Leader Snoke had kept anyone from taking action against his volatile apprentice. Danger lay in every sideways glance, in every slight hesitation before his orders were carried out. No mutiny had yet been instigated, though Kylo knew it was only a matter of time. 

Tension among the First Order had never been higher. But neither had the cost of failure. If he failed now, if he allowed Snoke’s constant beratings to drive him further over the edge of insanity, he would be left with little power and authority with which to keep Rey safe. 

For now, Kylo could only hope that fear of his unpredictable temper and ignorance of the Force would keep anyone from striking out. If assassination attempts were made, he would, in turn, make an example of the instigators, leaving their mangled corpses to rot for all to view. 

A full-blown mutiny, on the other hand, would be impossible to combat. And no one under Kylo Ren’s command knew that better than General Hux. It was possible the general had a sixth sense, for he always seemed to know when Kylo was going against his precious protocol. If murdering the former Supreme Leader and allowing the First Order’s greatest enemy to roam free wasn’t a breach in protocol, then nothing was.

Standing near the far wall, as close as he could get to the doorway without appearing conspicuous, the new Supreme Leader did his best to keep every possible suspect within eyesight. Abandoning the head chair normally reserved for Snoke - for himself now, he mentally corrected - had been a gamble. A few of the head officers had shifted on their feet, poorly hiding their displeasure at the sudden change in tradition. But as long as Kylo paced every now and again, his officers merely assumed his restless energy to be the cause for his blatant disregard for their sense of normalcy. 

So far, the day’s meeting had run smoothly. Though news of Snoke’s death had traveled quickly throughout the galaxy, the majority of the First Order’s power remained intact. A few planets on the Outer Rim had jumped ship, preferring to side with the slowly budding Resistance rather than keep their lowly status within the First Order’s list of assets. A few thousand poorly trained soldiers had been lost with those planets’ defection to the Resistance - a number so slight that Kylo Ren would hardly lose sleep over their betrayal. 

Betrayal: The one word that summed up his entire existence. 

“Any loss of power is unacceptable.” Unwittingly, a chill ran down Kylo’s spine at the words. Stubbornness rose within him and he refused to turn and confront his master. Not now. Not in front of everyone. Not again.

“Any word on the Resistance fighters?” He asked instead, keeping his voice as monotonous as possible.  _ Please say “no”. Tell me you have not found her.  _

Silence met his question.  _ Silence is good, it means they have not discovered her location.  _

“You would trade the safety of one weak-minded girl for the entirety of the power you ought to be embodying.” Snoke scoffed from behind Kylo’s back. “What purpose did you slay me for, fool boy? Surely you have grander plans than running away from the meager numbers of your enemy.” 

At his sides, Kylo’s gloved hands formed tightly-balled fists. His anger was evident to the officers assembled. Kylo bit back the laughter that bubbled up inside his throat at the relief he felt that only his deceased master knew the true reason behind his anger. How ironic his circumstances had become.

“Then perhaps,” he ground out, barely keeping his conflicting emotions in check long enough to form the necessary words, “our resources would be better spent elsewhere.”

“Is it wise to give up our pursuit so soon, Supreme Leader?” General Hux questioned, staring intently at the holomap projected above the conference table. As usual, there was no blatant tone of disrespect evident in the general’s words. Still, Kylo had spent enough time around the man to know when he was displeased. 

“We are not ‘giving up,’ General,” Kylo responded, frustration cloaking his words. “We simply have far more important matters to attend to besides a small band of rebel fighters.” 

“You’re running away from an untrained girl? Pathetic.” His master’s words slithered into his mind, unraveling the thin stitches of power Kylo had recently used to hold himself together. 

“I am not running!” The words tore from his throat faster than he could think. With only a small tug of resistance, the remaining stitches of power disintegrated, leaving his mind wholly undefended. 

Movement on his left caught Kylo’s attention. “Sir,” one of the senior Bridge officers began. The officer’s comment never made itself known as the man’s neck audibly snapped from the sudden, suffocating pressure that swung the officer’s head to the side, leaving his body facing forward.     

Darkness flooded Kylo’s vision. Heat flickered around the corners of his injured mind, greedily lapping up his remaining strength. The Force might hold an uncountable amount of power that could never be drained, but even the most powerful Force users reached their limits. 

_ And this is my limit.  _ His mind was a decrepit thing now. Where once he had been filled with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he now felt hollow: knowing both far too much and far too little about the mysterious ways of the Force. 

There had been a time where he would have done anything -  _ had done anything  _ \- for the tiniest portion of an answer to the questions which haunted him day and night. Why had the Republic crumbled so easily? Did the Jedi of old know that their precious rules were riddled with contradictions? Who could actually judge right from wrong? Was there really such a thing as Light and Dark? Didn’t both sides of a coin simply come together to create a coin: why needlessly separate the two down a divide of ‘good’ and ‘evil’? 

None of his questions had ever been favorably received. No matter who he asked, from one side of the spectrum to the other, no one had any of the answers he sought. 

Now there were no questions. Now there was only confusion and pain. 

So much pain.

“You do realize I can hear every wretched thought of yours, yes?” The echoing, mocking laughter had Kylo Ren reaching for his lightsaber. If Snoke was going to insist on providing commentary during every moment for the rest of Kylo’s life, then he was damn sure going to spend the rest of his days hacking that smirk right off his master’s face.

His fingers brushed roughly against the cold metal of his lightsaber’s handle. 

“Maybe you should just cut them all down here and now.” The ghostly form of his master inclined his head towards the officers standing in shock around the room, staring at their new leader with a strange mixture of fear and barely disguised loathing. 

The darkness in him rose, coiling tightly around his fractured soul.  _ Maybe I should. Everyone is expendable.  _

“Clear the room!” An authoritative voice from outside his mind ordered, briefly shocking Kylo out of his thoughts. “And someone get rid of the body; I won’t have a rotting corpse fouling the meeting room.” 

As every officer scattered to do as the voice commanded, Kylo remained where he was, still internally debating the benefits of committing mass murder of his own crew. Captain Phasma was the last to leave, unceremoniously dragging the dead officer through the door, most likely to the incineration chambers.

As the door slid closed behind Captain Phasma, Kylo’s hand twitched over his lightsaber, mind going blank about what he was supposed to do now that his possible targets had fled the room.

“Is it too much to ask that we go one day without you screaming at the air?” An overly-exaggerated, exasperated sigh reached Kylo’s ears and he looked up, surprised to see General Hux still standing there, completely unafraid. 

Mind running on fumes, Kylo found that he wasn’t quite certain how to respond to the comment. 

“Apparently not.” The general continued, sparing a quick glance to Kylo’s hand still firmly wrapped around the hilt of his lightsaber. “If you were going to kill me, you would have done so already, Ren. Now,” the man stepped forward and it took all of Kylo’s remaining strength to slightly release his tight grip on his blade, “it’s becoming more and more clear that the two of us need to have a conversation, one long overdue.”

“Please tell me you’re going to at least kill  _ him _ ,” Snoke hissed from behind. “All he has ever done is try to undermine you.”

Suddenly, doing what Snoke wanted seemed like an incredibly terrible idea. In a bout of stubborness, Kylo released his lightsaber fully, choosing instead to clench his fists together as tightly as possible. 

“A conversation about what?” He asked, not bothering to disguise the weariness in his voice.  _ Not a good sign; never show weakness.  _

General Hux threw him a critical glance. “Where to begin,” he muttered. 

Kylo was too exhausted to argue. 

The general stared at him thoughtfully with a look that on anyone else’s face might be considered “pity.” “Your unnatural silence, for one thing.” Kylo frowned; this was likely to be a long list. “You’ve always been rather prone to rather, uh, undignified outbursts, but lately your outbursts have been a bit more, how best to put this, psychotic.” 

_ I should kill you.  _

“Yes,” the voice whispered in his mind, clearly annoyed, “kill him for  _ that _ .”

“Well, it clearly wouldn’t just be because of this conversation,” Kylo remarked, turning his head slightly to glare to his master’s blurry, but still present, form. 

“Case in point.” The general stated, clearing his throat. 

None of this back and forth was bringing a shred of sanity back to Kylo’s overtaxed brain. “Why are we having this conversation, exactly?” He asked, turning his attention somewhat back to the general.

“Because you are now the Supreme Leader!” General Hux snapped. Pausing a moment to smooth down his already pristinely straight coat hem, he took a calming breath before continuing. “Though I still have no idea how this transfer of power took place,” a nagging feeling grew in Kylo’s mind as a flash of memory snapped to life in front of his eyes, “you have a duty to the First Order. One which you will fulfill, even if I have to constantly remind you of your place.” 

A spike of adrenaline rushed to life inside of Kylo Ren. Adrenaline fueled by fear. But he was not afraid, he was far too tired to be afraid. 

“Rey.” He whispered softly. A brief image clouded his vision: Rey, her skin lightly tanned so the freckles on her face popped, standing in a fighting stance, staring down some form of enemy.  _ Why does she not have a weapon on her person? If she’s going to insist on keeping grandfather’s lightsaber, she might as well use it!  _ He wondered with worry upon glancing at the girl, spotting no visible weaponry on her person, not even a hunting knife.  _ Does she have a death wish?  _

Her brown hair had been tossed up quickly, the loose portions clung to her sweaty skin.  _ She’s somewhere hot, then. Possibly a jungle moon.  _ His brain supplied before he remembered that it was dangerous to know her location. As the connection rapidly became more vivid, swallowing the room in front of him, Kylo became distinctly aware of a third presence. 

_ Snoke.  _ He grimaced, quickly pulling his mind away from Rey, though every molecule in his body screamed at him to find a way to help the scavenger. She was afraid. She was in danger. But his prodding would only place her in  _ more _ danger. 

Reluctantly, he reeled his mind back to his own corner of the galaxy. 

He groaned in pain as heat laced through his mind. Snoke was not pleased. 

“Rey?” A flicker of fear crossed his eyes at  _ her  _ name being spoken aloud by anyone other than him. “Is that the girl who keeps randomly appearing during every semi-important battle we have had with the Resistance lately?” General Hux inquired, a note of interest in his voice. 

_ Okay, now I might have to kill him.  _

“Didn’t you say she killed Supreme Leader Snoke?” He asked, clearly already knowing the answer. “And you were there.” The general added, quickly putting the pieces together, though Kylo suspected General Hux had already guessed what had transpired that fateful day. “So somehow you expect me to believe that this girl - who no one had heard of until a few months ago - took out the Supreme Leader, all of his guards, and yourself, yet for some reason she let you live?” 

Kylo’s right hand moved instinctively towards his lightsaber. 

“That story is terrible for morale.” General Hux stated, seemingly unconcerned that he might soon be dead. “Then again, so is telling the story of how you helped the Resistance murder your predecessor.”

With a click, Kylo unhooked the lightsaber from his belt. “Which is why,” the general continued, eyes widening ever so slightly at the weapon being prepared to strike him down, “we will simply have to come up with a different version of events.” 

Kylo paused, finger hesitating over the lightsaber’s ignition switch. “What? This isn’t a setup for a mutiny?”

General Hux scoffed, glancing away from the lightsaber hilt in Kylo’s hand. “I may think you a wholly incompetent leader and see little value with having you installed as the current Supreme Leader, Ren, but any uprising at the present time would be unwise. The First Order does not need to suffer any further loses.” 

Clearing his throat again, the general moved closer to the door, giving Kylo a wide berth. “Undoubtedly, a mutiny of some kind is coming. But not by my hand. Not yet.” He eyed Kylo warily, “I suggest you at least try and act sane until then.” 

Confusion and pain coursed through Kylo Ren’s skull, dampening the everpresent rage boiling within him.  _ Has the entire galaxy lost its kriffing mind?  _


	6. Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a new teacher who has ties to Kylo's past.

Common sense dictated that Rey ought not lead a potentially dangerous, Force-sensitive, lightsaber-toting stranger back to the Resistance’s base. But common sense would also have dictated that Rey carry a weapon on her person at all times. 

The woman - ‘Anya’ she called herself - kept in step with Rey as they traveled back to the series of caves, easily ducking underneath overhanging vines as if she had dealt with them all her life. “I understand your reluctance to bring me to the Resistance,” Anya spoke in even tones, pushing back a stray lock of sandy hair from her face. “But I assure you, I am no enemy to the Resistance; I know General Organa well.” 

“You do?” Rey asked, pausing in the middle of the roughly-hewn path to turn and face her companion. “How?”

“My father was a senator,” Anya replied, hands resting lightly on her hips. “He and General Organa worked closely together for a number of years - she resigned as senator in order to lead the Resistance, of course.” Her dark blue eyes flickered across Rey’s face, “I understand it is nearly impossible to trust anyone in these uncertain days…” Anya hesitated, long, petite fingers toying with the edges of her lightsaber handles. “If it would make you feel more comfortable -” with a  _ snap  _ the lightsabers released from her belt. Hilt first, Anya held out both sabers to Rey, “You may keep hold of these until you decide I am trustworthy.”

Through the Force, Rey felt no inkling of deceit from Anya. Nor could she discern any hints of the rage and violence that constantly leaked through to her from her Force bond with Kylo Ren. This woman seemed to embody calm. It was refreshing. But still Rey felt wary of the woman standing so confidently before her - if there was one lesson Rey had kept to heart all the years of her short life, it was that people were hardly ever what they appeared to be on the surface. 

Gingerly reaching out, Rey’s hands closed tightly over the cool metal handles. “You trust me not to use you own lightsabers against you?” She asked, quickly stowing the blades on her own belt in case Anya changed her mind.

“That is your prerogative.” Anya responded calmly. “I am here with one singular purpose: to teach you. If you choose not to accept my help, then I will leave.” 

“You are a very strange person,” Rey noted, turning her back on Anya and continuing on through the underbrush. It felt nice to have a lightsaber on her person again, even if the blades did not belong to her.  _ I suppose the last one didn’t either,  _ she reminded herself grimly.  _ That’s why it’s broken.  _

Leaves crunched softly behind her as Anya followed. 

_ If she’s an enemy, then she’s a weirdly confident one now that she’s unarmed. Who gives up their weapons so freely, anyway? _

“Are you a Jedi?” Rey blurted out, unable to keep the nagging question from being spoken any longer. 

“A Jedi?” Anya mused, tone thoughtful. “I suppose you could call me that, if you like.” 

“What else would you be?” Rey questioned. With every step they grew closer to the base. Rey needed to be sure, before they arrived, what sort of action should be taken. If Anya was actually a Jedi, if she truly understood the ways of the Light and was willing to teach Rey, then how could she resist? 

But if this was all somehow a clever ruse - Rey shoved the thought from her mind. Whichever side Anya was on would soon be made clear. If the woman really knew General Organa, as she claimed, then the general would be able to vouch for her. 

“That is not a question which I have pondered in many years,” came the slow reply. 

Rey longed to turn around to see Anya’s face as she answered. The woman’s tone was too calm, too collected, for Rey to pick out any telling emotions. 

Breaking through the last thin branches, Rey stepped out first into the small clearing directly in front of the Resistance’s cavern base. As expected, she could not pick out the sentries on duty, hidden as they were by the thick vines and moss surrounding the cave’s entrance. But through the Force Rey could feel them there, watching.

“Is that you, Rey?” A worried Finn stepped down from one the sentry perches located closest to the cave’s entrance. “Did you make it out to the  _ Falcon _ ? How’s it look?” 

“It’s me.” She responded, pulling the edges of her shirt down to better cover the lightsabers’ hilts. “I found someone in the jungle,” Rey continued, thumb arched back to point over her shoulder at Anya. “Says she’s here to help the Resistance,” Rey quickly added upon seeing Finn reach for his blaster. 

“You found an ally wandering in the jungle?” He asked, clearly confused. 

“My ariship ran out of fuel a few miles back,” Anya supplied with a small smile. “I hardly knew the exact location of your base, so it was most providential that I met your friend when I did, else I’d be lost in the jungle for days.”

“Uh, right.” Finn walked closer, hand still firmly wrapped around his blaster. “Is this some sort of code for ‘help’?” He whispered to Rey, glancing cautiously at Anya from the corner of his eye. 

“No.” Rey whispered back, uneasy laughter spilling out of her lips.  _ If this had been a code, Finn, why would you ask?  _ “We need to see General Organa.” 

“She’s busy-” Finn continued whispering, “you know, doing general-type stuff.” 

_ Oh, Finn, you’re a terrible liar. Quit while you’re ahead.  _

“That is quite alright,” Anya spoke up. Brushing lightly at the dirt clinging to her grey tunic, she turned her calm gaze to Finn, “I will gladly wait until she is free.” 

“Um,” Finn stuttered, looking helplessly at Rey for direction. 

“It’s fine,” Rey reassured her friend, patting him gently on the shoulder as she and Anya moved past. “We’ll just wait inside.” 

The cool, damp interior of the caves was a welcome change from the suffocating humidity of the jungle. Rey led the way to the War Room, all the while worriedly chewing on her bottom lip. She had expected some sort of climatic showdown upon returning to base, not the friendly concern of Finn. Maybe Anya was exactly who she claimed to be. So why did that thought leave Rey feeling on edge?

Minutes ticked by slowly as the two women waited just outside the War Room. Rey paced, unable to keep still. Anya had somehow managed to find a sturdy enough stack of crates to perch on.  _ Is this how Jedi are supposed to act?  _ Rey wondered, glancing occasionally over to the woman: Anya rested easily against the ratty crates, unconcerned that the boxes should not have been able to support her weight - as slight of figure as she was.  __

Perhaps the woman’s gentle demeanor was normal for a Jedi. The only other Force-sensitive people Rey had met were not nearly as at peace. An image of patient and calm Anya meeting Kylo Ren in all his unbridled fury flashed into her mind. Choking back a loud laugh at the thought, Rey stopped pacing, unable to get the hilarious image out of her head. If she and Kylo fought over their differences in opinion, she could only imagine the arguments that would break out between two completely opposite people.

“What is so humorous?” Anya questioned, staring with a hint of concern at Rey’s doubled-over form. 

Suddenly remembering that she was standing directly outside the War Room, Rey straightened, smile still wide. “Just imagining you meeting a friend-”  _ No! He is absolutely not a “friend” -  _ “um, a person I know. You’re very different.” Rey concluded, all traces of laughter wiped away.  _ “Friend?” What is wrong with me? The guy who keeps trying to kill me and my allies is not my friend.  _

“I see.” Anya replied. Rey wondered what, exactly, it was that Anya had gleaned from Rey’s mislabeled term of her enemy.

The low-hanging vines which provided a semblance of privacy between the War Room and storage area where Rey and Anya waited shifted as people began to exit the far room. Poe stalked out, a look of annoyance plastered on his face.  _ Guess the general shot down another one of his ideas.  _

Strangely, no one gave Anya a second glance.  _ They probably think she’s just another new recruit. _

Rey shoved her way through the crowd. While it was good that the Resistance was growing in number, it made their new base cramped at times. 

General Organa was alone in the room when Rey entered. “Did you need something, Rey?” She inquired, not glancing up from the holomap. 

Rey nodded nervously. “Yes, actually, I-” 

General Organa’s head shot up, eyes snapping quickly to the woman standing next to Rey. “Anya Dineyia.” A flicker of disbelief crossed the general’s face. “Why are you here?” She demanded.

Rey glanced between the two women, feeling the sudden tension permeating the air. “So...you two do know each other?”

Anya stepped forward, hands slightly raised as if in surrender. “General, I swear to you that I am not here to cause any of your people harm.” 

Leia shifted, a blaster appearing in her right hand. “You’ll forgive me for not trusting your word.” She responded, voice tight with an emotion Rey did not recognize. 

“I come in peace,” Anya said, stopping at the edge of the rock the holomap’s projector rested on. 

“Peace?” Leia questioned, a sharp note of anger slipping through. “Is the First Order with you?”

_ First Order? How could a woman like Anya work for the First Order?  _ Warily, Rey’s right hand closed over the rough hilt of one of Anya’s lightsabers. Unarmed, Rey doubted the woman would stand a chance against both herself and the general, but it was impossible to tell what strength the Force might lend Anya in a fight. 

“I have never worked for the First Order.” Anya insisted, hands still raised in a gesture of peace. “Nor have I seen your son in many years, in case you next care to accuse me of working alongside him.”

Rey’s eyes widened in surprise. “You know Ben?” She asked, amazed. 

Anya did not turn her eyes away from the blaster in Leia’s hand as she answered Rey. “We grew up together.” 

“Yes, and you and your brother Krillien assisted my son in burning down the Jedi Temple and murdering your fellow classmates.” Leia responded, eyes stern. 

_ Wait, what?  _ Rey froze.

“To be accurate, I never killed anyone.” Anya retorted. “It was utter chaos that night; my brother did what was necessary to keep the two of us alive. Yes, we may have made an error in judgement, but scared children hardly consider moral implications in the heat of the moment.”

“Why are you here?” The general asked again, seemingly eager to change the topic of conversation.

“I was sorry to learn of Master Skywalker’s passing-” Anya began.

“Were you really?” Leia interrupted, ire coating her words. 

“Yes, actually.” Anya insisted, her calm demeanor slipping ever so slightly. “I never held any ill will toward him; he taught me everything I know.” Dropping her hands to rest at her sides, Anya straightened her back, ash-toned cloak spilling around her shoulders. “I am here because I felt Rey’s Force awakening. When I learned of Master Skywalker’s demise, I felt compelled to come and offer my services.” 

_ So, did everyone feel something in the Force when I first did? People keep bringing this up.  _ “But how did you know where to find us?” Rey questioned. 

“For the past three years I have served as a healer for the royal family on Onderon. Since you now reside on one of Onderon’s four moons, the distance is not so great that I could not feel your presence.” Anya explained patiently. “If you still question my loyalties, General Organa, feel free to speak to your allies on Onderon: they will vouch for me.” 

With a heavy sigh, Leia lowered her blaster. “You can be sure I will speak to them. Thoroughly.” 

Anya smiled brightly, “Do I have your permission, then, to instruct Rey?”

“I don’t see where we have much choice in the matter,” Leia answered, holstering her gun. “Luke did not have much time to teach her before he died.” 

“Whatever did happen to Master Skywalker after the Temple fell?” Anya inquired, arms crossed lightly across her chest. 

“He was a grumpy hermit when I found him.” Rey answered with a shrug. “I had to beg him to train me at all.”

“Well, that is rather unfortunate.” Anya replied, tone somber. With a small nod of acknowledgment to Leia, she turned to face Rey. “Shall we begin your training at once, then?”

Rey glanced cautiously over at the general, waiting silently for her approval. Once again, Rey felt as if she had been dropped into the middle of a situation without even a moment of warning. “Uh, I guess,” she said. A combination of excitement and trepidation passed through her at the thought of continuing her lessons. 

Anya was halfway out of the room before Rey felt the cool metal under her palms. “Oh wait!” Her new teacher turned back, eyes alert for danger at Rey’s sudden yell. “Sorry, I just, ah,” Rey unhooked the lightsabers from her belt and held them out to Anya, “just thought you should have these back.” The woman nodded her thanks as she took the sabers from Rey’s outstretched hands. 

_ I really hope this isn’t a mistake.  _ Rey thought as she followed Anya from the room.

 

***

Sunlight streamed to the ground in intricate patterns; beams from the descending sun fractured upon impact on the overhanging branches. Deep within the trees, a symphony of growls and feral screams mingled with Rey’s labored breathing. 

She raised a shaking hand to her face, using the edge of her shawl to wipe away the sweat rushing from her pores. For the past hour she had been running through drills with her staff, showing off her skills to Anya.

“You have good form with a staff,” her new teacher commented, clearly pleased. “Your lightsaber skills may be an entirely different matter, the forms are quite different, after all, and can take years to master” she mused. “Who taught you to fight?”

Rey leaned wearily against her staff, “I taught myself, mostly,” she responded, avoiding Anya’s comment about lightsabers: Rey hadn’t had much trouble picking up those skills quickly. “I grew up alone on Jakku - sometimes I had to protect my food and my hauls from scavenging so I learned to defend myself.”

“I understand.” Anya replied, sitting down lightly on a moss-covered rock. Crossing one leg over another, the woman stared down at her lap, fidgeting with the hilt of one of her sabers. “Life can be cruel and we must, at times, depend only upon ourselves for survival.”

“You had a rough childhood?” Rey asked slowly. Not sure even if the question was appropriate, but desperate to learn something - anything - else about this woman. And Ben, if she could.

“Oh, nothing like what you faced, I’m sure. In fact, many people would correctly surmise that I had a rather privileged upbring.” Anya replied, unfazed by the question. “There were difficult days, however; my parents were often absent and there also lay the inherent dangers one faces with being a child of government officials. But my brother and I looked after one another, as best we could.” 

Rey kept silent, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. Dare she ask about him? Everyone else who actually knew  _ him _ \- not as Kylo Ren, merciless leader of the First Order, but as Ben Solo and whatever that implied - always seemed hesitant to speak of him. Though Rey begrudgingly acknowledged that their silence was understandable considering all the terrible acts he had committed as Kylo Ren, their refusal to speak about him as he had once been did little to help her comprehend his exact nature. 

“Something on your mind?” Anya inquired, noticing Rey’s restlessness.

“It’s just...well-” Rey paused. A sudden, unexplainable burst of frustration tore through her mind.  _ Ben.  _ “I need to go take care of something. Real quick.” Hand wrapping tightly around her staff, Rey took off at a run through the jungle, not waiting for a response from Anya. The last time someone had witnessed her Force connection with the Resistance’s enemy had felt like a violation of privacy.  _ Besides,  _ Rey reasoned,  _ if he senses someone else nearby, he might try to ignore me again. But we  _ need  _ to talk about whatever the hell is going on.  _

Her heart pounded in time with each step she took deeper into the heart of Dxun’s jungle. “Where are you running to?” Rey skidded to a halt, almost tripping over an upturned branch in her haste to turn and find where Kylo Ren’s physical form had manifested itself this time in her mind. 

Breathing hard, Rey waited for her lungs to stop burning before replying. Her eyes quickly scanned over his body for any clear signs of injury. “You look terrible,” she commented, not knowing how else to phrase her surprise at his haggard appearance. Deep, dark circles had formed beneath his eyes, leading Rey to wonder if he had even slept since the last time they had spoken almost two weeks prior. 

The burning rage she felt coming from him subsided a bit as he continued to stare at her, exhaustion clear on his features, though he attempted to cover it with a measure of concern for her. “You haven’t answered my question,” he said, dark eyes scanning her in much the same way she had him. “Are you in danger?” 

Rey shook her head.  _ Basically everyone else in the galaxy would think I was in danger, talking to you.  _ “No. Are you?” she questioned, knuckles turning white as she gripped her staff tighter. If there was something - or someone - hurting him, she would not rest until the problem had been dealt with. 

“That’s not -” His attention wavered; his eyes glazing slightly as he listened to someone else speak. 

“Ben?” Carefully, worried she might spook him if she moved too quickly, Rey stepped closer. “What’s wrong?” 

His eyes snapped back to focus on Rey as his given name passed her lips, a look of confusion flitted quickly over his face as if he had momentarily forgotten she was there. “Nothing.” The word was spoken too quickly, too harshly for Rey to believe. “It isn’t safe.” He muttered, “You need to leave.” 

“What isn’t safe?” Rey asked, stopping a few feet in front of him. Close enough to reach out and touch him, if she wanted to. 

“Do you feel it?” Kylo implored, his lightsaber suddenly appearing in his gloved hands. Even though the blade was still collapsed, the question passed through Rey’s mind if she could somehow be killed in their Force connection. If he had the urge to attack her now, could he kill her? 

_ He won’t hurt me.  _ Rey reminded herself stubbornly.  _ At least, not intentionally _ . A small shudder of fear passed through her. Whatever was happening to Kylo Ren was leaving him unstable. He was more dangerous now, in his current state of mind, than ever before.

“No,” she whispered, unsure whether she was answering his question or trying to convince herself that Kylo Ren would not try to kill her. 

“Really?” A look of surprise covered his face. “You don’t feel-” He paused, anger blazing to life behind his eyes as he turned to look at whoever was speaking. Involuntarily, Rey stepped backwards as his lightsaber ignited, crimson sparks jumping from the blade. 

“Ben?” Rey readied her staff, though she logically knew that she would be of no help. Not from halfway across the galaxy.  _ This conversation is going nowhere.  _ “If you’re in danger, I can-”  _ Can what?  _ Rey questioned.  _ Can leave my allies and wander around the galaxy until I run into the First Order and get captured again? How would that possibly help? _

_ I never should have left that ship without him.  _ Rey thought guiltily, staring at his defensive posture. “I should have made you come with me” she said aloud. 

“What?” Kylo’s tone softened, though he kept his eyes trained on whoever else was in the room with him. 

_ I feel like I’m talking to two different people at the same time: he’s nice to me and looks like he wants to kill everyone else.  _ “You were unconscious,” she stated, thinking back to that day in Snoke’s throne room. “I should have dragged you back to the Resistance with me. You wouldn’t be alone and in danger now, if I had.” 

“Fairly certain I would still be in danger,” he responded dryly. “Your friends don’t exactly like or trust me. For good reason.” 

“I would have protected you,” Rey insisted. 

“You would have tried,” he corrected, finally turning back to face her. “Do you really believe that your general would have allowed me to live if you had brought me back as your prisoner?” His tone was flat now, emotionless. Rey decided this version of Kylo Ren was infinitely more terrifying than the violent, unpredictable man the majority of the Resistance was familiar with. 

“You mother would never have-” she began.

“My mother,” he interjected, clearly annoyed, “would have done whatever was necessary to protect her precious rebellion.” Disbelief must have been evident on Rey’s face because Kylo quickly added, “Ask her. She’ll tell you herself. She doesn’t put anyone, even her son, over the Resistance.” 

“But,” she stuttered, unable to come up with a proper response when he was staring at her with such absolute conviction in his eyes.  _ That can’t possibly be true. Leia would never- _

Before she could come up with a way to convince Kylo that he was wrong about his mother, their connection ceased. Looking at the place where he had been standing just seconds before, Rey couldn’t shake the feeling that something worse than war was coming, for both of them. 

Maybe it had already come.

The sound of someone clearing their throat had Rey whirling around, staff at the ready. “Anya.” she gasped, wondering just how long the woman had been standing there. 

“So this is why your interest was peaked when I mentioned I knew Ben.” Anya sighed, a look of resignation crossing her face. “Go on then, ask me your questions. Let us get this out of the way.” Arms crossed lightly over her chest, she waited patiently for Rey to lower her staff.

“My questions?” Rey asked, still shaken by her latest conversation with Kylo Ren. “How did you- Wait, did you see him? Just now.” 

A slight smile crossed Anya’s face as she shook her head. “No, but I recognize the feeling of bemusement that comes from a prolonged conversation with Ben Solo. Besides,” the woman added, “I felt his Force mingling with yours and put two and two together as I watched you talking to the air.” 

_ Huh, I must look crazy when I’m talking to him. Never thought about that before.  _ “You felt…?” 

“He has a rather distinctive presence.” Anya explained. “Technically, every Force user does. In time, you will learn how to distinguish friend from foe.” 

Rey filed that information away, determined to test it out for herself. “I don’t think he is. A foe, I mean.” 

Anya tilted her head thoughtfully, “Many people would argue with you on that point.” 

“Would you?” Rey asked. Curiosity at what Anya’s answer would be mixed with Rey’s hot-headed desire to march back to base and point-blank ask Leia if she would have put her own son to death if Rey had brought him back with her. She just needed to prove someone wrong, preferably Kylo Ren.

“No.” Anya answered confidently. “Not to you, at least.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Rey demanded. 

“You remind me of him, a little.” Anya replied, glancing away. “Headstrong, reckless, you let your emotions control you instead of the other way around; you are kindred spirits.” 

Rey felt both proud and uneasy of the fact that she reminded Ben’s childhood friend so much of him. 

“Do not fret.” Anya added, noticing Rey’s unease, “You are not exactly alike. Just alike enough that I can see why the two of you might get along.”

“Oh.” Rey swallowed some of her fear, feeling slightly better. “So he was always impulsive, huh?”

“Incredibly so, yes.” Anya laughed, the softness of her tone contrasting vibrantly with the harsh jungle noises. “Both he and my brother Krillien share that particular quality. Though it did get them out of a few scrapes when we were children, it also got us all into quite a few more.” 

“It’s odd,” Rey acknowledged, “thinking of him as a child. Or of the two of you as friends.”

Anya uncrossed her arms, letting her hands rest easily on the hilt of her lightsabers. “I imagine so. We are rather different, he and I.” 

“How were you friends?” Rey wondered, thinking back to earlier in the day when she had laughed at the thought of Anya meeting Kylo Ren. 

“Well, I was mostly the annoying little sister who tagged along on his and Krillien’s adventures.” Her tone turned somber, “I found it challenging to put our childhood behind us, considering Ben saved my life on more than one occasion, but…” she trailed off, leaving Rey to wonder how many bridges her enemy-turned-unlikely-ally - when it suited him - had burned. 


End file.
